I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I will be naked everywhere
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
