Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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