Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you never un-have a 4some
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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