According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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