you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
