He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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