can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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