Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
birth control should be required to get into college
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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