Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
