I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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