You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
