I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
