Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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