I'm going to jail i love you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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