God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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