Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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