it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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