the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
