Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
