Got a toothbrush?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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