What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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