I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
