so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
