I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
