I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
