A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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