totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
