Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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