I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
