Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
