OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
