I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're a waste of cheezeits
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
