and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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