idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
