Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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