You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize