The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
