i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
