U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
