Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
