No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
