Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
