If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
