Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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