All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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