i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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