you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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