The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You can't motorboat a personality
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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