Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
