we have pet lesbian snakes
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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