Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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