Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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