Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
