Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
