Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You ruined the universe
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
