Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
