I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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