I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
