You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
