They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
