Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
