The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
