found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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