just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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