Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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