yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
