I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
