I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
